


Glow in the Dark

by GhostFox



Series: Scattered Light and Drabbles [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Internal Monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:59:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5157902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostFox/pseuds/GhostFox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little internal drabble for Oikawa. Side piece for Scattered Light. (Contains spoilers for the main fic!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glow in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Peers don't know what they can't see   
> They can't see inside of me   
> It's sickening how comforting the privacy  
> of the mind can be   
> How much longer will I try before I realize   
> I'm desperate in the situation that I'm in again   
> I'm exhausting yet another topic  
> I've exhausted frequently with no regrets
> 
> -Eve 6

  
Second best wasn't good enough. It could never be good enough. And yet, that's the only thing he could ever seem to achieve.   
  
Oikawa didn't like to see himself as a jealous person, didn't like to let the ugliness associated with such feelings to cloud him. He wanted to be prim and proper, beautiful, everyone's favorite person. He wanted to be the best, but that feat was always just out of his grasp, fleeting and never quite touching his fingertips.   
  
Being adopted never really bothered him. He didn't know the circumstances of his birth parents; be it financial troubles, emotional troubles, or reckless choices that led to their decisions, and he wanted to keep it that way. His adoptive mothers provided more than enough affection and he never felt as if he had missed out on anything that having blood related parents would fix.   
  
His needs started young; being the second adopted baby is not nearly as exciting as being the first, and even though neither mother ever showed favoritism he still felt as if the shadow of his older sister was one he'd never overcome. Second to walk, second to talk, second to grow up, second to leave.   
  
It was irrational, and he knew that, but it was a feeling he couldn't shake. And it didn't stop there; his first girlfriend found a better boy, not even bothering to throw him away first. His first boyfriend valued him one step below his football career. His teacher's never awarded him the top test scores.   
  
He tried to compensate by being bright and bubbly, asserting his self confidence and molding himself in the eyes of his peers as someone who would never worry about such silly things. The girls thought he was gorgeous, but never the most gorgeous; boys thought he was cool, but never the coolest. Some people even hated him, but he wasn't even the person they hated the most.   
  
Maybe it would have hurt less if he was somewhere in the middle, or even towards the bottom of the rankings he always imagined in his head. There was just something about being so close to the top but not quite there that made his chest ache.   
  
He thought that had changed when he met Suga his freshman year of college. They'd grown so close so fast, friends from day one. Oikawa thought he'd finally done it, finally achieved first place as this boy's best friend, and goddammit he was going to be the greatest best friend he could be. It was a first step, and suddenly the staircase stretching out in front of him didn't feel so menacing.   
  
That was, until Kageyama showed up. Suga met Kageyama in their sophomore year, latching onto him like mother bird on an abandoned chick. He had a knack for finding the most broken soul possible. That was just who he was.   
  
Oikawa bore no ill will towards Tobio, it wasn't this kid's fault he was so fucked up inside. He watched from afar as the role of Suga's best friend was slowly taken from him, awarded to someone else right in front of his eyes. And then, years after that, taken from him and awarded to yet another.   
  
He had made so many new friends in the last few months, but all of them liked at least one other person more than him. Sometimes group gatherings were too overwhelming, leaving him emotionally drained instead of socially stimulated.  
  
It wasn't until one morning when Tobio had left for work and Oikawa was laying on the thrown together bed in the corner of the room that his mind started to change. The sun filtered into the room, casting light across the ceiling where Tobio had stuck a dozen of those plastic glow in the dark star stickers. He had seen those stickers every day since he'd temporarily moved into this apartment, but today they felt different. Today they _meant_ something, flipping some dormant switch lying in the back of Oikawa's brain.   
  
There were millions of stars in the sky, and none of them were above the other. You could argue the sun was the best, but there were countless suns, each one bigger and better than the last. They were all different, burning with varying intensity, and yet, at night when you look to the sky they're all equal. No one sits and picks out their favorite star, because each is special, each is beautiful. Alone they're amazing, but together they're unfathomable.   
  
Maybe Oikawa was a star, needing those around him to add to his light, every friend building on his beauty but remaining perfectly fine by himself. He liked the sound of that.   



End file.
